Please, let me fuck your mom
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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