Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
