I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
