Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
