she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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