we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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