I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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