um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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