it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
