Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
