Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
