if you like me you must not know who I am
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He better not be in your backpack
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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