if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
