Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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