I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
