i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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