yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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