I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
