Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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