xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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