so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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