There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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