Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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