saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
