Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
