she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
