It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
