You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
