her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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