So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Randomize
