wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
