awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
