Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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