So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
