Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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