i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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