Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
