She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
