did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
