Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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