If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
