So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
