Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
