he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
