I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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