After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
