While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
