angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
