He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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