Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
