Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
