i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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