i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
