Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think my fart just growled at me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
