I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
