What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
