Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
