I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
