Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
