Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
