Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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