Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
