I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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