Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
