you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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