does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
