ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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