so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
